Monday, September 28, 2009

raise your right you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth....

My grandmother gave me her mother's engagement ring on my 16th birthday.

I put it away and told myself I'd take it out and wear it on my right hand when I was 25.

Well, 25 came and went, and the other day when I was visiting Gramps, I decided I'd put it on. I was overwhelmed with school approaching and life happening and feeling a bit off in general. Feeling like there was too much to do and needing to just slow down and breathe and pay attention to what was trying to be told if I'd just open my ears to listen.

I'd just read about Jen Crusie adopting 2 new dogs, and I wanted that, all of a sudden - a house in the middle of nowhere, with 5 dogs and a barn cat, a big garden with squash and eggplant and sunflowers that grow taller than my dad, and lots of kids running all over the place, enough for a baseball team at least.

And I was sad about Gramps - he's getting slower and slower and his mind is still here, but his body's wearing out fast. I hope he at least makes it to Dale and Princess Consuela's wedding.

Anyway, the ring felt right sitting there, and I thought, damn, I'm gonna wear this ring.

Various stories have made the rounds about my great-grandmother. She married young, a fellow Swedish immigrant. While in love with him at first, she rejected him in the end....she moved in with my grandparents and lived with them until she died. My mom once found great-grandma smoking in her closet. For real. She adored my father, his sisters still talk about how he was her favorite. When I was born, she cradled my head and declared my ears were lovely. And she told my mom about some things that happened in her life that aren't really my story to tell here, but suffice to say the woman was honest.

I want to be that kind of honest, the kind that tells the truth regardless of the consequences. But I don't want to wait til the end of my life to tell it, I want to tell it now.

So I haven't fallen prey to the Women of the World, Raise your Right Hand ad campaign, and I don't think diamonds are the way to go, but I'm wearing this ring in my great-grandmother's memory. I do believe she's gonna help me get through school the next two years. And that's the truth I see tonight.

1 comment:

LKT said...

I got my "we're saving these for your wedding" pearls for Christmas two years ago. I never wear them. My grandpa brought them home from Japan on his way home from the Korean War, to give to his young and lovely bride. This makes me think maybe I'll pull them out of the box tomorrow.