but don't write your novel like these guys

Or do.

They're funny.

Joel Stickley: how to write badly well and Joel with his friend Luke: who writes this crap?

(via argh ink, via the dish)

I want to write a funny blog with my friends. About dates. Because really, what's more funny than two people trying to decide if they'd like to, you know, get to know each other better, when they make said decision in approximately 45 minutes over lukewarm, usually bad, coffee?

Who's in? Oh, wait. Can we wait til 2011 when I'm finished with school? Except if I'm still going on crappy dates in 2011, I might resort to drastic measures and hibernate in a cave forever. I recognize that would be counter-productive to the eventual goal, but goals in dating are over-rated.

I mean, at this point, my goals for a date include the following:

1) To have a reasonably non-awkward conversation with a straight, single male under 40. Who is gainfully employed and knows how to wash dishes. For approximately 45 minutes to an hour. If the date's going well, maybe for 2 hours, but that's really pushing it.

2) To not bring up education. It's the kiss of death for them, really. I'm too passionate about it and invariably we start arguing, they don't know what they're talking about, and argue poorly about why charter schools are a bad idea or something along those lines and I get irritated and then when they call, I don't want to answer, because I'm thinking about what a moron they are. (For the record, if they could argue well about why charter schools are a bad idea, I would listen. It's just the crappy arguments that annoy me. And for the record, I also think it's a bad idea to argue on a first date. I don't think that bodes well. )

3) In said conversation, discern if this person would be worth hanging out more with. Evidence collected by the following:

A. If said person can only talk about one topic, it's a no. For example, late 60's British comic books superheroes. I mean, that's interesting for a bit, but it only goes so far...
B. If said person brings up habits of illegal drugs, pornography, theft, various felonies, etc., it's a no.
C. If said person makes racist comments, it's a no.
D. If said person is rude to old people or the waitstaff, it's a no.

And another thing: I recently learned of a family tradition of which I had been blissfully unaware...Apparently there is a tradition (on dad's side) of first dates turning into first nights. For real, this tradition goes back two generations before me, and it's good my parents don't read this blog or I would be in deep crapola right now. So am I doomed to repeat this? Or not to repeat it? Well, I haven't embraced this tradition so far. Does that mean I haven't met the right guy? Or am I just over-analyzing? Probably over-analyzing, let's be honest.

Whew. Mom always tells me how picky I am, and I guess she's right.