Tuesday, March 11, 2008

“That common cold of the male psyche, fear of commitment.” - Richard Schickel

(I don't think fear of commitment is actually a male problem. I think it might be more of a female issue, actually.)

I signed a lease today and inwardly freaked out and rejoiced intermittently. My anti-commitment voice, the one that's always telling me to pack up and move to Singapore, didn't want me to sign. And the calm, soothing peaceful voice was layered over it, saying, of course you want this fantastic place, it's perfect. Don't question it. It's fate.

A lot of things that led to the acquisition of this apartment lead me to believe it is in fact fated to be, so I'm not questioning that peaceful voice. It's just the anti-commitment piece of me is so strong at times it drowns out the other voices.

I'm pretty much against long-term commitments. I mean, in theory, they're great. In practice, however, I don't really know how they work. I look at things like my parents' 30 year marriage, or at Olivia Williams, teaching for 30 years in the same school, and I marvel at the level of commitment and single-minded determination required to even just wake up in the morning and do such things.

I don't know if I know how to do that kind of commitment. But a year-long lease should be okay.

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