i don't think impaling pigeons in the head is a great idea,

even though they're annoying, but somebody does. check out the picture.

"aagh!!! serial commas!" - BeC

BeC was editing an article the other day, and mentioned serial commas can pose some problems and start arguments among editorial staff. Apparently two colleagues had a fight about it for an hour on the way to the airport last week. She was sitting in between them.

I can think of other things I'd rather be arguing about, but as a recovering English teacher, I appreciate people who care about language so much. Especially when they're funny and remind me of John Cusack in Say Anything when Diane breaks his heart and he tells her to stop using quotations, like that sheila girl.

"Coach told me not to swear." - Raj

Raj got hit by a rock yesterday playing soccer, and he cursed. In the world of 5th graders, this isn't usually acceptable unless your mom's not around.

He used the f word and I'll be honest, I'm particularly fond of this one.

I like to blame Sij, because before I lived with her, I never, ever cursed. Pre-Baltimore, I used lots of nice words. Shoot. Darn. Oh, that's too bad. Some innocuous drivel like that.

Then I met Sij, with a heart of gold and a mouth of a sailor. Fuck-a-duck and shitballs were expressions frequently heard at 2637 Calvert Street.

Since then I have not lived with anyone who curses with quite the same...endearing quality as Sij. I'm thinking about throwing in a choice expression during their wedding ceremony this summer, but I'm not sure how this would fly with Dave. Or say, Dave's family.

I guess cursing is probably not appropriate for weddings.

"Whenever I have a meeting with them, I just pretend that they're pirates." - Arthur

For those of you needing meeting coping strategies, I suggest using the pirate strategy. It really works. On a variety of levels.

And if you're looking for a place to express some pirate love, seafair has a fascinating online application. I can't figure out why they would need a prospective applicant's social security number.

"I have noticed that what's right in art is usually right in practice." - Lord Peter Wimsey

(well, Dorothy Sayers, in Busman's Honeymoon.

"I'm doing a fundraiser for kids..." - Shannon, purchasing 15 bottles of vodka in the liquor store line

Powerful Schools had an Urban Hoedown fundraiser tonight and we used all the vodka in a modified Lemon Drop recipe. I put my jean skirt and boots on, and sold raffle ticket after raffle ticket to happily married men or couples, and I served drink after drink to the same. And I only poured beer badly once. The rest of the time I did it perfectly, which was noted and appreciated, but I thought, fuck, if I can't get a guy who I'm pouring beer for interested, who can I interest?

“I would never lie. I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation." - Fox Mulder

So the problem with telling people you're on a 28 date campaign in 2008 is that they try and give you advice instead of setting you up with dates, which is the point of telling them about the campaign in the first place.

I don't want advice. If I wanted advice, I would have asked my grandfather. And here's what he would say: 1) Cook for somebody. 2) Wear a dress. 3) Smile. And that would be all. I know, because he's given it to me before. Unsolicited. But when an 84 year old tells you something, it's important to pay attention.

Anyway, I'd rather have dates. I was trying to avoid the Internet in this campaign. I really wanted to see if through the people I knew I could find 28 dates...but I might resort to match.com or some other Internet atrocity in June if I haven't made significant progress. Significant progress being, maybe 14 dates. By June. That'd be awesome.

Mostly people are saying they don't know a quality guy. I say, hey, I'm going for quantity here. And I'd like to think that if my three requirements (Just to review: 1) single 2) straight 3) self-sufficient - read:job...) worked for Phoebe Kudrow in P.S. I Love You, they could potentially work for me. I know, it's a movie. It could even be argued it's a bad movie. But by the end of the damn thing, after asking every guy she came into contact with if they were 1) single 2) straight 3) had a job and 4) then kissing them, she figured it out. I'm hoping, in my self-delusional way, that this will somehow work for me.

"I haven't studied them, but..." - David Stern

What an idiot David Stern is. Wait, let me rephrase. What an idiotic thing to say. (I'm working on my use of observational comments as opposed to personal insults.) I think it's wisest to not comment on things one doesn't know about. Keep the mouth shut, and all that.

And Shultz might be a bigger idiot, although he did bring us Starbucks, so who knows? But does he really think he can be the great white knight? Now?

But really, the Sonics saga is so symbolic of how Seattle does things. In a long-drawn-out, inefficient and unrealistic manner, pretending to listen to its citizens but not really caring about their opinion or long-term good. Think light rail - hey, at this rate, maybe the Sonics really won't leave until 2015.

I'd like to suggest that all involved read It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken. It might help.

"Repetition of 'expect' - I must buy a thesaurus." - James

I made it through three movies today, and managed to stay awake through all of them, unlike yesterday's debacle, when I fell asleep during both. I think this is a sign I'm getting better, right?

Today's cinematic enjoyments were About Schmidt, which I took frequent breaks in, so as not to fall asleep, and also I had to talk myself into continuing to watch it. Then came Spy Game, and then the classic Sliding Doors, which I watched partly because Sij just got a haircut exactly like Gwyneth's in that movie, and it looks darling. Sliding Doors wins for funniest lines, Spy Game wins for the movie-I-don't-have-to-pay-much-attention-to-but-I-still-enjoy-it, and About Schmidt..well, I'm still pondering on that one. Apparently a lot of people liked it. I'm not sure I'm a fan.

I'm running out of movie options, so I hope I feel better enough to go to work tomorrow.

"You can cook, I can appear human." - Linguini

I watched Ratatouille a couple hours ago and fell asleep in the middle, which has nothing to do with the quality of the movie (it's fantastic)and everything to do with how I feel at this moment in time, which is pretty crappy. Sore throats and harsh coughing shouldn't be allowed in the spring.

Especially not the day after a birthday party. Suzanne and Evan sang, and so did Ian, and Jed read poetry like Silverstein, and Beth read Levertov, and then Ben did the best thing ever: He sang Yonder Tree, for Hannah, who was the only person under 21 in attendance. She's 5 months old and the most adorable person in the world right now. I don't think we value babies enough in our world, and it was joyous to hold her. And Ben got us all involved making cow and goat and pig noises, which is fantastic. Most of the time when you're grown-up you don't get to do these things.

Or if you do, people think you're a little bit nuts.

It's good to have friends who don't think you're nuts, and share their talents.

"I love my country, but I think we should start seeing other people." - bumper sticker seen outside my office window

I was looking at the back of some slick magazine today, and there was an ad for the jet that Bill Gates owns, and also Warren Buffett. They are pictured in the cabin of the plane, and they are laughing.

I am not really sure how the company got these two to advertise, (I mean, really, do they need anything else?) but looking at it made me think of this bumper sticker I had walked past the other day on my way into the office.

Also, I am in love with Tavis Smiley. I don't think he'd be up for joining my date campaign, but I am thinking about being one of those crazy people who writes someone famous and asks them out.

I was listening to Tavis' show yesterday, and he was interviewing Clarence Jones and Dorothy Cotton, who worked with Martin Luther King,Jr. They were at the Mason Temple, and when Jones spoke of how he didn't take MLK's phone call the day he was assasinated, and when Cotton spoke of not stopping with what MLK did, but continuing to dream, I had to pull Nellie over and park and listen, because the conviction and power in their voices, in their experience, was something to hear.

"the bible didn't mention us..." - Regina Spektor

I'm wondering about the Samson lyrics on Begin to Hope. I've listened to it about 18 times this morning, and I still can't quite figure it out.

I'm also wondering about what it means to follow Jesus these days. Haven't figured out that one either. I've been wondering specifically about how it's okay in American culture to say that you love Jesus and then do nothing that would mean so.

Ingrid reminded me of this the other day when she quoted Wirzba on practical atheism. And living the Sabbath. Also, my Jewish friend S.T. has me pondering Sabbath, since he keeps it religiously. Bad pun intended. And then I was reading this interview with Lamin Senneh, who says some pretty intriguing things about what Christians can learn from Muslims.

My friend Dan keeps bringing up how important the Sabbath is and how we need to keep it. He's got lots of ideas for how to do this, but he's also really good at giving me the opportunity to think about what it means for me, as opposed to telling me how to do it in my life. But this might point to part of the problem with faith in American culture - we are so individualistic, and we have forgotten much of what it means to be in community. When people talk about Shane Claiborne as if he's some sort of radical, I wonder how much we have lost in our heritage of faith.

And it's that whole question of being in the world and not of it, or being apart from the world, setting yourselves apart. The Amish have done a pretty good job of isolating themselves, but they've also done a pretty good job of showing the world the power of forgiveness. I'm not trying to be idealistic and unrealistic here, but I do think we need more communities that strive to be faithful together, not as an isolated, individual pursuit of God, but as a communal one. I don't really know what that means, but I think we need it.

Mostly I'm thinking about how talk is cheap, and I'm tired of people talking about faith. I'd rather they just lived it.

Max has good boyfriend potential...

he sleeps on his side of the bed; he never, ever gets tired of long walks; and generally wants to be wherever I am. Also, no matter what I feed him, he LOVES it.

Unfortunately, Max is a 65 lb. golden retriever I'm dog-sitting this weekend, and I don't think it's gonna work out for us long-term.

"I"ve got whisky and whipped cream. I figure we can go the alcohol route or the ice cream route. Either way." ~ K8

K8 picked "life" as her word of the year this year. And it's not quite as bad as 2006, which was definitely not our year. In fact, things in 2008 are looking decidedly up from those low points. She just got the job she's always thought she wanted. My parents' remodel might actually get finished by Christmas. Kansas might win the NCAA tournament. My little brother's graduating and is about to become a real contributing member of society. I have a date tomorrow.

But Thomas still has cancer. He's dying. It is hard to wrap my head around my friends' two year old not being here anymore.

And in January, Steven committed suicide. It will be his birthday on Monday. It's hard to know how best to celebrate someone you loved but who isn't here anymore by choice.

It's that thing Professor Thorpe used to say, when we read all these wonderfully depressing great works of literature - Dante, and Dostoevsky - In the midst of life, we are in death. (Which is from the Book of Common Prayer, right before the whole ashes to ashes bit, in case you were wondering.)

I don't know why K8's word for this year is life. I do know I'm being reminded of how finite and fragile life is, how meaningless words are in the face of death. How offering a shot of whisky and some ice cream, time spent together with people we care about is really all that matters.


the sun is in the east,
rising for the beasts and the beauties
if only I could tear it down,
plant it in the ground to warm your face

the world carries on without you
but nothing remains the same

- alison sudol

"There is no mistaking a real book when one meets it. It is like falling in love." ~ C. Morley

Apparently some people think it's really important to talk about books with their dates. I think it'd be kind of nice, but it doesn't fall into one of my three requirements.

(the Requirements are as follows:

1) Single
2) Straight
3) Self-sufficient (By this i mean, they need to have a job, or be able to support themselves legally in some manner.) )


I mean, really, if I start adding other caveats to this list, I'm going to be out of candidates. I'm runing low on them anyway. It'd be awesome to date someone who loved Shakespeare, but at the end of the day, I've got friends who love Shakespeare I can see plays with if necessary. I don't need to date someone who likes exactly everything I like. How boring would that be?